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As I sit here and wait for a phone call, I thought I'd share some thoughts on a video I watched this morning. One of my favorite YouTubers that I have been following since I started my own channel more or less, Sarah Hawkinson, posted a video today about her self-esteem issues.

Our struggles differ in many ways, but those related to our jobs as YouTubers are very similar. She talks a lot about not feeling good enough, like she's disappointing her viewers, that she is nothing like other YouTubers and so on. And one of the biggest struggles I deal with is definitely comparing myself to others.

But this video that she posted about her insecurities as a YouTuber confirmed what I think we all know deep down - that even those we look up to might be insecure about the things you admire. She mentions how she never felt smart in school compared to her classmates and how she no longer feels smart at all after graduating, and something I appreciate about Sarah is the fact that she is so smart. Isn't that ironic?

I myself often look at other people's success and think that I myself have to be doing what they are doing to be successful, when in reality that's the furthest from the truth. I can of course be successful by doing what I want to do, but when the going gets tough and you don't see the numbers or responses that other people get, you immediately think you must be doing something wrong. And the easiest way to correct it is to start doing what they are doing instead.

Even though this might work in the short run and give you a boost in numbers or even confidence, in the long run you will be stuck working on someone else's goals, dreams and passions and have put your own on the back burner for no good reason.

What I'm trying to say is that comparison to others is never a good idea, and those we all look up to have issues of their own that we don't necessarily understand, see or agree with! Just a little reminder, this Tuesday.

The phone call has still not reached me. It is 45 minutes late. Hmm...

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One part of the Artist of Life Workbook 2018 is to create a vision board, which I chose to do on Pinterest. I thought I would share it with you guys 'cause there are a lot of good quotes and stuff on there that I need to remind myself of all the time and I'm sure some of you could do with some reminders as well.

So feel free to check it out and follow/re-pin/whatever it is called on Pinterest hehe. I'm not quite sure.

https://www.pinterest.se/katrinberndt/vision-board-2018/

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I have spent some time during the past few weeks thinking about what I want to achieve this year and I have come up with a few different points that I thought I'd share with you guys.

1. Donate to charities
I have set a certain amount of money as a goal for charity donations. I don't know right now how much I want to donate to what, but I know that I want to donate more to causes I care about and I definitely have the economy to do so. It will be a mixture between human causes and animals/wildlife.

2. Driver's License
Obviously, I want to finish taking my driver's license. I have my theory test in 1 month and my driving test shortly after that... I really really hope it'll go smoothly so I don't have to drag it out and do the test a bunch of times haha. It's not the end of the world of course, but it's just annoying.

3. Stockholm Marathon
Another goal I set already last year is to run Stockholm Marathon in June. I'm training for it right now and even though it feels very far away to run that far, I am still relatively confident that I will be able to do it hehe.

4. Paint the Apartment
This has been a wish or goal of mine since we moved in 2 years ago. Our walls are a terribly ugly yellowy-beige color that I absolutely hate. So I want to finally paint all the walls white once and for all. With our previous landlords we were not allowed to pick any color we wanted and had to stick to their ugly yellow whites, but now we can paint whatever color we want woo!

5. 400,000 & 500,000 subscribers
In 2016 I gained about 150,000 subscribers and in 2017 I only gained 70,000 subscribers. It is kinda annoying that the subs didn't grow as fast last year but there's not much I can do about it. In 2016 I had a few videos that went "semi-viral" which helped a lot. 500,000 subs was a goal of mine for 2017 but obviously it didn't go very well. My first goal for 2018 is to reach 400,000 and if I'm lucky and work hard maybe I'll reach 500,000 too!

6. Birthday celebration
In September this year I turn 25 and Sonny turns 30! So we will have a huge birthday celebration that I will have to plan. I will be sending out save the date's this spring hehe... Can't risk having our friends not show up! I haven't yet decided where we are going to have the party. I don't really want to rent a place, so maybe we can convince Sonny's parents to let us have it at their house hehe.

7. Raise a healthy & happy puppy
As you guys know we have a new puppy to raise now! Rascal has just entered "adulthood" more or less and I feel like we have done a good job with him. So now on to the next challenge of raising the little terrorist Menace.

8. Let passion guide me
2017 was a year where I let my anxiety guide me and tell me what to do and what not to do. For me, money is something that triggers my anxiety, so I did a lot of cooperations, I took on jobs etc just for the money instead of letting my passion guide my decisions. So this year I want to let my goals, passion and mission in life help me decide what to do and not listen to my anxiety as much.

9. Be present
Again, with the anxiety. It makes me worry about the future so much that I am almost never present in day to day life. Whenever I do something I am simultaneously worrying about 100 things that will happen or might happen in the future. And as a wise person once said - worrying means you suffer twice. And if there's something I don't have time for in 2018, it's suffering twice. So far I am still learning about meditation and how to benefit from it, but it is something that I will continue to work on this year.

10. Enjoy every second of summer
Easy to say now, in January hehe. But I just want to make sure that I really really enjoy this summer. Last summer flew by without me even noticing and I didn't do any summer activities it feels like. So this year I want to really enjoy the daylight to the max, enjoy the heat, go for nice long runs in the evenings and fill up on that feeling so I'm ready for the fall and winter when they arrive.

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Good morning! (12.20 pm hehe).

I've been up for a while, went for a walk with Rascal and have filmed a few things for today's vlog. :) Yesterday was Rascal's 2nd birthday and if you want to see some video footage from that then check out Sonny's video HERE. He talks a little about having Rascal and how it's been with Menace for the first week. (Oh my goodness we have almost had him for a week already. Time flies!).

Yesterday I found a YouTuber called Lavendarie who has made a "life workbook" called Artist of Life 2018 and it's kinda like an annual planner/goal tracker with a lot of reflecting and goal setting and stuff like that (see more in her video below). The reason this interested me and I chose to purchase the digital version of her book was that it is very similar to the things I am doing in my therapy/career coaching sessions right now. It very helpful and I enjoy filling it out.

I will talk more about my therapy and how it's going in today's vlog so keep an eye out for that. I'll try to upload it today but if not then it'll definitely be up tomorrow.

Have a nice day everyone!

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