It’s easy to think you know exactly what coaching is and what you get out of it. But the truth is that it’s pretty difficult to predict what it is that will change your life forever. I never know ahead of time what tool, concept, or thought is going to turn my client’s world upside down, which is what makes every program unique and exciting.
Today, I want to share with you three perhaps surprising things that my clients often tell me towards the end of our time together. Three things that if I had told them this on week 1, they would either not believe it, get very frustrated, or it would make them want their money back hehe.
“Sometimes, I don’t want to do the work”
“I know I have the option of managing my mind about this and changing how I feel… but I don’t want to. I want to be mad and grumpy. I don’t feel like being evolved and enlightened and mature.”
This is not uncommon at all. And I love when my clients arrive at this place. Why? Because it’s a completely different experience to choose your grumpiness, knowing that you have the tools to get out of it if you want to.
You never have to do the work. It’s just there, available to you when you want it. That is what I offer my clients. I offer them the solution, the knowledge, and the understanding of how to take their power back. It’s always up to them if they want to use it or not.
Sometimes they will, sometimes they won’t.
Sometimes… we just have to sit in our dirty diapers for a while, being grumpy, before we are ready to clean ourselves up and move on with our lives. That’s okay.
“I still get triggered all the time”
“The same things still trigger me, but it’s less scary, less intense, less frequent, and maybe most importantly, I return to my baseline so much quicker without taking it out on my partner.”
I know you want to get rid of your triggers. You want to overcome the jealousy, grumpiness, and frustration once and for all and never have to deal with it again. But it’s not realistic to completely eliminate emotions from your life. Especially not in 8 weeks.
I don’t think any of my clients cleaned up all of their triggers by the end of our time together. But that’s not a sign of failure. That’s just a sign that they are human. What we have worked on is no longer making these triggers a problem. No longer letting them run your life.
“The solution was to stop making it a problem“
“I came here wanting to solve the problem, but it turns out that the solution to the problem was to just stop making it a problem.”
This is g o l d.
I had a client say this to me just yesterday. We had been talking about her negative emotions surrounding an aspect of her relationship and how she would ultimately like to feel differently about it. But towards the end of our call, she realized that she kind of wants to hold on to some of the negative emotions about this situation. She doesn’t want to be happy about it and she definitely doesn’t want to lie to herself and pretend that it’s a perfect situation.
Sometimes, accepting reality for what it is and daring to label it as “not ideal but still okay” is the most powerful thing you can do. Your relationship will not always be perfect and everything you ever want it to be. But that doesn’t have to be a problem.
At the end of the day, coaching is about getting your power back. Having the ability to decide how to think and feel on purpose.
Sometimes deciding is going to include negative emotions and accepting less-than-ideal circumstances. Learning how to navigate that in a healthy and empowering way is one of the keys to finally being happy.